I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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