I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
