this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
