Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
