The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are two peas in an std pod
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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