I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
