he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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