The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
