Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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