It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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