you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
