We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She bit a glass in half.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
