I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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