Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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