oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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