I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
