If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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