I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
