Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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