I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
40s are totally the cure
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
