and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
