ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
