I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He kissed a someone with a penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
