Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
