I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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