So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
