I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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