I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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