New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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