my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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