addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
