i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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