There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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