i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
