I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
