I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
