she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
