What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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