Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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