I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
