I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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