why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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