tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
