watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
