how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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