And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
