She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
