A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize