11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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