my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Come see our sink grown plant.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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