I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
