There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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