she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
