Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I deserve this hangover.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
