i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry about my life...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
