at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
