I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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