Porn is love you can see.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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