end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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