I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
