barbara walters just said penis...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
