the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize