I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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