I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
