cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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