Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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