11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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