Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
