Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
