dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I forget how to act sober
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
